i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
