Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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