I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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