If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
