thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
