she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
