I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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