But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
