Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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