Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
