Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
