maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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