we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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