I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
