so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
