There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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