"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
