My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
