So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
porn star boner night. come get it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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