He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
