She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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