Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
