Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
