Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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