I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
