Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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