Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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