My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
