No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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