absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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