I just pynch a tree in the face
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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