ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think brook has ever known best
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The Olympian is in my bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
