I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your penis caused this!
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