I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
