just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
