She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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