The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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