Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
