oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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