Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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