that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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