So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
