i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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