It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize