at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
