I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
