His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
