whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
