If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
