It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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