I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
