Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
