You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
