haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
