shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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