I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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