Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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