Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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