You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
