my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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