She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
