Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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