someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
