My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
