just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
