I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
