I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
