I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
