he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
