I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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