I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
