i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We need a shit load of segways right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
