you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
