I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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