You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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