Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
